


The Final Page

by tcnystcnks



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: (in which we also learn that idk how to tag), Angst, Avengers Family, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Tendencies, Suicidal Thoughts, Tony Stark Has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and a notebook, and suicidal tendencies, but after Ultron, but its there, just all out angst, there is stony if you squint, this is not a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 16:53:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17687366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tcnystcnks/pseuds/tcnystcnks
Summary: Tony has a notebook that he writes things in. Things that add up to the sum total of his life. And when the notebook is over, so is Tony's life.--Inspired byThe Other Bookby Misanagi





	The Final Page

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Other Book](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1137034) by [Misanagi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Misanagi/pseuds/Misanagi). 



 

As Tony closes his eyes, body convulsing within himself as he moves in front of Natasha to shield her from the stray bolt of magic that their latest villain sent her way, his final thought is to where he’s placed the book

He’s out of armour, but the Avalon Protocol had been initiated, so he wasn’t too worried. JARVIS could handle piloting the suit from now on.

He feels the bolt ripple through his body, his organs shutting down in an almost systematic way

He hears Natasha scream his name in agony, and he wants to reach out to her and  _explain_

tell her that he  _wanted_ this

 _needed_  this even

the book was done

Tony had run out of pages

 

\--

 

The first time he writes down something in the book, he’s 8 years old, surrounded by broken pieces of a new circuit board that he’d taken down to Father’s lab

it’d been smashed out of his hands, and Father lifted him up by the cuffs of his collars and sneered  _you were building circuits when you were four boy, learn something new_  and then promptly dropped him on his back and stalked away

Minutes later, Mr Jarvis had come with a small notebook and a pencil, since Tony sometimes didn’t like talking after incidents with Father

(Father said he needed to stop being a pussy  ~~whatever that was~~ but Mr. Jarvis said it was okay if he didn’t feel like speaking for a while)

(Tony privately wished that Mr. Jarvis was his father sometimes)

Mr. Jarvis laid in down near him, and Tony picked up the pencil and traced out the words,  _i’m sorry for being born_  with shaking fingers

 

\--

 

He doesn’t see the notebook until he’s 15 next

and stupidly drunk

He’s just gotten into MIT and Howard honest-to-god  _spit_  on the acceptance letter and told him that if he’d put his mind to it, he could’ve gotten in sooner

The notebook is wedged between two children storybooks in a dusty box in their loft, and Tony pulls out the pen he has inside his pocket and starts adding to the list

He fills up 5 pages

 _explosion_  of various kinds features a lot

as does  _Mr Jarvis_ this and  _Ana Jarvis_  that

His  _mamma_  makes cursory appearances

 _Howard_  is everywhere

 _Sunset_ is written in really small font because Tony is still half in love with her

Once he’s done- he flips back to the beginning of the book and writes in his neatest handwriting: 

_once i have finished this book, i’m finished with my life_

and for the first time ever, something in him settles

 

\--

 

The book makes repeated appearances after his parents’ funerals

 

\--

 

Rhodey sees it once, and gives Tony a proper dressing down

but there’s something in Tony’s eyes

this fire 

it  _scares_  Rhodey

Tony knows that it does

but on this he won’t budge

 

\--

 

 _Yinsen_  is scratched in over and over for 2 pages

 

\--

 

 _Obie_  is dotted with tears

 

\--

 

After New York, Tony writes in very small letters,  _not dying in the wormhole_

he scratches it out immediately, guilty for having such a thought

almost 1/4th of the book is left

(but he can’t help thinking it over and over)

 

\--

 

 _Ultron_  helps fill in the space

Pages and pages of names under Tony’s hand goes numb

and then

for the second time 

_not being able to save Jarvis_

 

_\--_

 

The Avengers fill in the rest

 

\--

 

When Tony gets to his final page, he’s almost melancholy about it

a part of him wants to preserve that last page

because after so long things are  _good_

The team has moved past the Ultron debacle

Him and Steve were  _something_

He was happy more often than he wasn’t

but his thumbs rubs against the words he wrote almost 30 years ago, and he knows what he has to do

 

\--

 

He starts planning it when he’s got a few lines left

if Tony Stark is to die, it can’t be something mundane like pills or a bullet

As in all things, Tony Stark must go out in  _style_

 

\--

 

He writes a messy,  _made Bruce lose focus in his experiment_  and then tilts his head up and croons  _Fry babydoll will you call my lawyers??_

The whole thing is squared away in an hour

and then, with a deep breath

he calls his Honey Bear

 

\--

 

Rhodey is there within the hour, War Machine breaking all the records that Tony painstakingly set and he immediately falls to his knees in the workshop, begging,  _pleading_  with Tony to change his mind

Tony simply runs his hands through his hair, peppering him with kisses and whispers, _tesoro, tu sapevi che stava succedendo_

They stay like that for hours, Rhodey cocooned in Tony’s arms, just seeking each other’s warmth

 

\--

 

There are letters for all of them on his servers, and FRIDAY is as advanced as she’s going to get

Tony’s done some good

 

\--

 

he’s in the kitchen, carefully writing down  _making Rhodey cry_  on the final line in the book when the Assemble alarm blares around the Tower; and he doesn’t even think- just launches himself out of the window clad in his boxer; knowing the suit will catch him

 

\--

 

He couldn’t have thought of a better ending than this he thinks, as his eyes close; a small smile on his lips

 

\--

 

Later, when doctors are frantically working around the clock to push more blood into his dead body than he’s losing; Steve will almost worry a hole into the ground of the waiting room before he will notice Rhodey sitting unnaturally quiet as they wait for news

Natasha will turn to him and ask “Are you not worried?”

and Rhodey will say “I already said goodbye to him. 3 days ago”

Rhodey will stand, taking it all of their slack faces and say “It was always supposed to be like this. He finished his notebook.”

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, i have a funeral to plan”

and he will walk out the hospital door and make it onto the street before he sees Pepper and collapses into her arms in a sharp cry of grief, not unlike the way Steve will crumble to the floor of the building he just left

 

\--

 

_Fin_

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr saw it first](https://tcnystcnks.tumblr.com/post/182618979292/the-final-page)  
> [my ig](https://www.instagram.com/tcnystcnks/)  
> -A


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